1. Never find anything!
2. Learn how to look busy not finding anything.
3. Never put your failure to catch anything down to the fact you are covered from head to foot in fluorescent yellow or orange.
4. Position dormouse tubes where your paymaster can see them (which of course means they won’t catch squat!)
5. Ditto reptile refugia.
6. Believe the low capture rate of reptiles on your freshly strimmed site is down to emmigration not the local Magpies and Kestrels.
7. Gas badgers for money.
8. Believe a hole full of water is ready to be a GCN breeding pond
9. Pretend that bottle trapping newts in the summer is safe
10. Be willing to claim that your failure to find 13 badger setts along a 1km pipeline route (including one which regularly blocked the local road) was down to recent immigration.
If you do any of the above please either;-
A. re-train as an accountant
B. jump off a cliff (Obviously after checking to ensure that no protected species will break your fall)